The Art of Letting Go

process of letting someone or something in your life go, especially when you don’t want to.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been told I have a big heart. I love that it is part of who I am, but sometimes I use it to a fault. Like when you're trying to move on.

I think it’s hard to truly explain the feeling of letting someone go. If I had to try and put it into words, I would probably say it's one of the most heart wrenching, gut punching, head pounding types of hurt a person can go through. Especially when you know that they are still walking around on this earth. When someone dies, it can be easier to accept that they are no longer a part of your life because they aren’t here anymore. They live through you, but they’re not with you physically. When you are trying to let go of someone that is still alive is a different kind of process. They’re living their life and moving forward, but you’re just not a part of it anymore and you’re left to accept that fact. They become a part of who you are and when that goes away, it’s like you lose a piece of yourself. A piece of your heart and soul you spent so much time building and cherishing.

The idea of possibly seeing them again and thinking of all the moments you shared together and now they won’t talk to you or even look at you for that matter, really sends me into a spiral. Like there’s some unspoken tension because you just know so much about each other. You shared the deepest and most vulnerable parts of yourself with this person. Both of you cried, laughed, hugged, smiled and danced through life together for a period of time, then one day, it all seems to disappear. How does a love like that just go away? To answer that question, it really doesn’t. It’s just makes it harder to bear with and think about. It was real love. So simple yet so true. That’s why it's so difficult and takes more time to heal. Think about how LUCKY are you to have felt so much love towards a person and cared so deeply that it makes your heart hurt this much. Not everyone gets to experience that feeling, so it's truly a treasure to feel a love like that. Any type of break up, boyfriend, girlfriend, situationship, best friends, friend group, family, whatever it is, really tears a bitch down. It never gets any easier and I’m not trying to go through it more than I have to.

Another point to that is people don’t leave your life for a bad reason, at least not all the time and doesn't mean that's they're gone forever. People grow and change and as we do, it means that some people aren’t as compatible with your life anymore. And that’s okay! I think that, if its meant to be and the universe gives you a sign and the stars align or some shit like that, then there’s a chance you can be a part of each others life again. Just don’t waste time waiting around for it to happen. My mom always says if you love something, set it free. If it doesn't return, it wasn't meant to be. If it does, love it forever. I’m not saying you have to get over it immediately cause especially for someone like me, who loves with every part of themselves, that’s really hard to do and it's scary to let go of something that seems so hard to find. It's okay to feel your emotions. Actually, you better let yourself feel something. I would be concerned if you didn’t. That just shows you’re human.

You are supposed to care!

You are supposed to feel!

For the love of god and all things good, feel something!

In any case, if you’re feeling like letting go of someone or something that happened in the past has been weighing on you lately, as it has been for me, it’s not the end of the world. I know it may feel like a bottomless pit and like you’ll always feel this tight pain in your chest when you see or think of that person. The “what ifs” of if you had done something differently or handled a situation better. I know it’s difficult and frustrating, especially when they seem to be doing better and you’re not. I know it's hard to move on when you feel like you don’t have all the answers. Even when you know you’ve messed up and done everything you can to try and mend it, sometimes things just don’t go back to the way they were before. You just have to let go and live. You can’t change the past and you can’t predict the future. Life goes on. Fuck it we ball. One of the greatest lessons I'd say I have learned this year is to just let people be who they naturally are. I continue to be my best self and how a person responds is entirely up to them. If that causes them to exit my life, I just let it happen. I should never be held responsible for changing people. People only ever change when they've made the conscious decision to. All I can do is not let my mind psychoanalyze everything, realize when or if I've made a mistake and always lead from that big, damn heart of mine.

With love,

Katie